Season: Two, between 1969 and Out of Mind.
Spoilers: Minor for Out of Mind.
Category: Humor.
Pairing: None.
Summary: The archaeologist gets stuck.
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: They are not mine and I’m not getting paid, a damn shame on both counts
Notes: Thanks to my Mom and my muse, Baileys, for finding this funny.
“Ow, ow. Ow!”
“Hold still, Daniel.” Captain Samantha Carter’s voice held more than a hint of exasperation.
“If we can’t get it untangled we’re going to have to cut it, you know.” Colonel Jack O’Neill was all business. His light-hearted sarcasm put aside for the moment.
“Absolutely not, Jack!” Dr. Daniel Jackson was sounding more and more anxious with each failed attempt to untangle him.
“We can’t stay here forever just ‘cause we can’t get you loose,” Jack replied in his best ‘Colonel’ tone.
The wind outside the cave was a mournful groan that was more unnerving than the sound of Jaffa on the march. The light was fading fast. The temperature inside the cave had remained unchanged, but Teal’c could feel the outside temperature was dropping rapidly from his sentry post at the cave mouth.
“O’Neill, night is approaching. The return to the Stargate will be more difficult in the dark.” Teal’c’s deep voice had a metallic quality to it as it boomed over the radio.
“Acknowledged, we’ll be out in a minute, ‘T’,” Jack replied into the box at his shoulder.
Pulling his knife from his belt, Jack moved toward his trapped friend. “I’m sorry Daniel, but I’m going to have to cut you loose.” Jack tried hard to sound regretful.
“Come on, Jack, just give me a little more time. I know I can get out of this without cutting anything,” Daniel pleaded, his eyes wide in supplication. It was a look Jack had difficulty resisting at the best of times.
“Daniel, we’re already late. It’s a two hour trek to the ‘gate and its getting dark out. We have to go now. We don’t have time to untangle … that!” Jack gestured toward the ceiling of the cave.
“You’re getting some perverse satisfaction out of this, aren’t you, Jack?” Daniel’s voice was strident in his anger, his hands flailing about his head.
Sam Carter knew these two were just getting started on the endless argument. She knew the subject matter would digress until the point was lost entirely. The Captain had no desire, after twelve hours on her feet, to listen to the two men squabble like children. “That’s it! I’m sorry, but I’m not going to stand here and listen to you two argue. I have to side with the Colonel on this one, Daniel. We’re going to have to cut it.”
“Saaammm.” Daniel’s whine tore at Sam’s heartstrings, but she refused to give in.
“Don’t you ‘Saaammm’ me. You know the Colonel’s right. Now hold still and we’ll try not to draw blood.”
“Blood!” Daniel yelped.
“I was just kidding, but if you move it’s a very real possibility,” was Sam’s no nonsense reply.
“You hold his head still, Carter, and I’ll do the cutting.”
“Yes, sir.”
The two military members of SG-1 got to work and in no time their civilian archaeologist was free.
The walk back to the ‘gate was unnaturally quiet. The usually verbose Dr. Jackson was sullen and withdrawn. The other team members, not wanting to say the wrong thing, chose to say nothing at all.
“Welcome back, SG-1. You’re late.” General Hammond greeted his premier team from the bottom of the ramp.
“We ran into a slight snag, General,” was Jack’s terse reply. Daniel glared at his teammate.
“I see that, Colonel. Why don’t we debrief now and then your team will be free to go after you’re medically cleared.”
In response SG-1 followed the General silently up the stairs to the briefing room. After everyone was seated around the conference table the General spoke. “Would you like to start Dr. Jackson?” George Hammond realized he’d made a mistake starting with SG-1’s youngest member when Daniel refused to meet the General’s eyes.
When Daniel declined to initiate the briefing, Jack decided he had better step in. In a flat ‘lecture’ monotone, Jack described the mission. “P3V 474 greeted us with wind, sir. Kansas type tornado winds. Daniel lost his boonie as soon as he stepped through the ‘gate. There was no chance of rescuing it. Flying debris diminished visibility. We made it to the cave system we saw in the UAV pictures without incident. After ten hours of exploring the caves, even Daniel conceded that there was nothing of value there.” This statement earned Jack another glare from across the table. “We were on our way out of the main cave when Daniel got stuck.”
“Stuck, Colonel?”
“There were these root thingies growing down from the ceiling. Daniel stumbled into them. We spent two hours trying to untangle him. We … I ended up cutting …” Jack looked at Daniel apologetically.
“If you’d just been a little more patient, Jack.”
“We were running out of time, Daniel.”
“Gentlemen, please.” General Hammond also knew the beginning of the endless argument when he heard it. “What’s done, is done. I’m sure I can arrange some down time for SG-1 to give Dr. Jackson an opportunity to repair …” The look on Daniel’s face made the General pause. “Repair the damage.” He ended lamely.
“Repair the damage? Repair the damage!” Daniel’s voice was rife with pain. “I can’t repair this!”
Daniel’s electric blue eyes burned twin holes in Colonel Jack O’Neill from across the table.
“YOU CUT MY HAIR, JACK!”
*****END*****
Note: I wasn’t happy with the suggestion that Hathor cut Daniel’s hair, and I couldn’t justify an archaeologist doing Shakespeare on the SGC payroll. (Michael Shanks cut his hair to do a production of Hamlet in Vancouver)
