Kellie Being a Girl

Hi everyone. My name is Kellie. I’m so glad you
have come to see my site. I live in London but I was born
in North Carolina. I have one younger sister and a cute doggie named Maggie. I live basically a simple life. I love to dance and have taken lessons in Jazz, Tap and Ballet all my life. I also love to act and participate in drama at my school. I'd love to model some day. I would really like to do it professionally one day. I really hope you enjoy the site. Thanks for stopping by. If you want to know more about me, please email us!!
Thanks again!!! 

Info:

Location: Yorkshire, UK

Occupation: University Student

Birthday: 08.10.84

Hair Color: red. just... red.

Eye Color: blue-gray

Marital Status: don't rush me.

Brief Bio: I was always telling my Mom I wanted to be a girl. The more she tried to correct me, the more I said I wanted to be a girl. During my middle school years, I played started taking dance lessons...grew out my hair, wanted all the clothes, make-up, and nail polish in the mall. Except for my little thingy, I am now pretty much a normal girl. I have a boyfriend and I’m comfortable with my sexuality and all.

A Question:  Say you saw someone who was fairly androgynous that you thought was really sexy, you meet and talk to them and after conversation they continue to be fascinating and sexy, but somewhere along the line you realize they are another gender than you thought they were.

So, does this realization make you more or less attracted to the person? Why?

I can't say exactly what attracts me to the people who I find myself longing for, I know it's more than the visually physical. But looking back at the evidence, I'd say I'm realistically attracted to the slightly more androgynous people. But I don't see them that way - I see thousands of characteristics in each of them that have a purpose and a meaning, and if they happen to balance out at neutral rather than femme or butch, it's just a coincidence, to me, because by that point I'm in love, and love makes even less sense than attraction.

Myself:

I want to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by
Always to look myself straight in the eye.
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I've done.

I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
A lot of the secrets about myself
And fool myself, as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of woman I really am;
I don't want to dress myself up in a sham.

I want to go out with my head erect,
I want to deserve everyone's respect,
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf
I want to be able to like myself;
I don't want to look at myself and know
I'm bluster and bluff and an empty show.

I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself, and so
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

Self-Description: a homebody, a hippie, an activist, a geek, a nerd, a dork, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a son, a daughter, a brother, a sister, a femme, a bitch, a hottie, a prude, a weirdo, a vegetarian, an american, a brit, an artist, a dancer, an actress, a visionary, a futurist, a realist, a technophile, a kellie.

Interests: gogo dancing, road tripping, Nader voting, film acting, theater (that's T-E-R) going, web designing (job hunting), cyberpunk reading, guitar playing, backwoods camping, Husker watching, sysadmin loving, webcam posing, cigarette smoking, midnight toking, beer guzzling, nephew spoiling, cliff sitting, afternoon napping, long showering, pointless driving, forward looking.

More Info: Mickey Rooney as Charles Bukowski in Barfly says,"It's not that I hate people... I just feel better when they're not around."

I first noticed my gender issue as it relates to school the first day of first grade. It was a Catholic school, and I felt stupid wearing one of those clip on plaid ties. It wasn't bad really... it was just what you had to do!  I recall the first time they lined everyone up, it was about 9:45 on the first day. The girls in their plaid jumpers in one line and the boys in the other to go to the restroom.  I had this really bad sinking feeling when I realized that I belonged in the other line.

My "solution" to my gender crisis (of which I was ignorant that I had) was to vow not to participate. I avoided people, schoolwork, etc. I just decided that I couldn’t play boy and I couldn’t be girl, so I just wouldn't play. I spent perhaps 70% of my time alone.

I didn't have the usually GID problem of being beaten up, but everyone said "you are different" and didn't quite know why. I held a party in the 8th grade, and everyone paired up, except me. I had nobody, so I just picked up my guitar and played mood music while my classmates explored each other's bodies. I should have seen it... but...

I went to an all boy’s high school (by choice... to get away from the nasty people I went to grade school with). It was a great school, and I had a good time there. Even though it was all boys it lacked the macho attitude that went on when there were a lot of girls around.   Still, people didn't know what to make of me and didn't relate. so I hung around with the musicians, which was a lot of fun.

I tried to date, but I just didn't know how to talk to a girl in the leading role. I felt like it was lying because I was! I wanted to talk about how they looked, their clothes, etc. I remember this girl who had a crush on me in 6th grade. I was not attracted to her, but wound up at a friend's house with her, my best friend, and his girl friend. They expected me to make out with her. I told her... look I like you, so let me walk you home. I just didn't think like a boy. I was horrified to think that I had to actually face performing as a male. It tool me a LONG time to figure out how to fake it.

My first real girlfriend in HS kept asking me if I would wear her underwear while we made love. This was a great idea... and I wish I had... but I was so deep in the closet that I told her no. I wonder...

My best girlfriend in college went to one of the top women's colleges, and she was a year ahead of me, so I got to visit her a lot, and got to pretend that I was a girl attending a woman's college; went to classes with her; lived in the dorm. I wanted nothing more than to just be an ordinary girl living an girl's life. Now I want something more: I want to live an extraordinary life.

I still have one friend from high school. He's a great guy. I'm going to tell him soon about the real me

When school let out for the summer, I started working as a part-time cashier at a local shop when this guy came into the shop and bought a tube of toothpaste. He handed over some coins and was ready to leave, when I said, "thanks, come agian."

He stopped dead in his tracks as if something had struck him, and turning back around towards me said,

“You are. Aren’t you?” He said to my face.

“Ey? Ey? I’m right. Aren’t I?” I was discombobulated.

“Ey? Ey?” By this point he was smiling a cheeky smile and rudely pointing.

“You are!” At this point I replied.

“I’m what?” Then it became obvious what he was on about.

“You’re one of them! Aintcha? Ey? Ey?” I really wished to stop this conversation.

“I don’t know what you mean” I could tell he wasn’t really believing that when he cut to the chase.

“You are! Aren’t you? You’re one of them! Aintcha? You’re a HeShe! Aintcha? Ey? Ey?” I was suddenly very embarrassed.

“I’m right, aren’t I? A HeShe! You’re a HeShe!” I didn’t credit him a response.

“Are you a lady with a willy, or a bloke with tits?” Again, I gave no response, just continued getting more embarrassed.

“Have you had any operations? Ey? Ey? They can use penis skin to make vaginal tracts you know” I quietly responded, but not to his questioning.

“Can you… please… leave…” I was being perfectly polite.

“Is that the man in you? An aggressive streak? Or a little bit of lady irrationality?” He grew enraged.

“FINE! YOU RUDE BITCH BASTARD! FINE!… FINE! TAKE YOU’RE DAMNED TOOTHPASTE AND SHOVE ‘IT… erm… WHEREVER.

Last week at the local health club as I undressed to shower it was rather obvious that although I appear in general to be female there is this one part of me looks unmistakably male, I was called disgusting names and was forced out into the hallway with only a towel. I’ve experienced various forms of nastiness throughout my life, yet though all my trials, I’ve always feel the 'Presence of GOD' telling me that no matter how angry I get at someone, I have to deal with them, without harm to them. Pretty one-sided, but life isn’t always fair. What I’ve learned is that usually women will accept me (except unfortunately in the locker room) and that men especially 'macho men' will not leave me alone. They seem to have no respect for themselves and hence, for no one else. For them to feel good about themselves they have to pick on anyone they think is inferior. Those kinds of people are JERKS.

Now I hope you're satisfied. This is as close as I'm going to show you wierdos my thingy. Go whack off somewhere else.