Quotes
Shout along with me... Richard Contestants Viewers
Using the set of quotes, even if you havn't seen Crystal Maze you can make up your own episode :)
Stock Richard Phrases (repeat several times per episode):
'Reckless
Rick here, your gorgeous guide to the 'Crystal Maze' ' Or variation thereof.
variation...
'Come
with me, my dear…' (!!)
'This
is a two minute game from the very second I close the door'
'What
have you got to do? What do you think you've got to do here?'
'Why
don't you try that cog / piece / other snippet of useful advice?'
'What's
that over there? Gosh, could it be…'
The contestants would usually completely ignore
Richard's advice, which would wind him up a bit if they were being thick.
You'd think they'd learn, but no! Obviously they know far more than the
bloke who hosts the show...
'I'm
not going to help you any more. I think I've helped you enough'
'A
child of three could do it. Simple game really'
'What on Earth
is s/he doing?'
'You're
doing well'
'That's
the idea' more encouragement
'That's
the girl!'
'Alrightey!'
'The sands
of time are running out'
'Work your
little socks off dear..'
'You
haven't got plenty of time'
'10
seconds left….10, 9, 8 etc.'
'You
had five seconds left! You could have got the crystal..'
'Toooo
the Crystal Dome!!'
'Start
the fans please!'
'I
think you've done quite well…'
'What have
I got to do?' (standing around for 30 seconds trying to work out what
to do. Hello, there's a little note / diagram to tell you what to do:
READ IT!)
'What can
you see?'
'No no no!
look there! No there!'
'Try
aiming higher! Left a bit' 'Right, Forward, Left…'
'NO! That
one…no NEXT one...NO!!! YES!!!!' (Team Cheer)
'How much
time left Richard?'
'Don't
worry, you've got plenty of time'
'Hurry!'
'Come
out!'
'GET OUT!
GET OUT!!!'
'Let
me out!'
Viewer Speak: (based on our house)
'Er, can
I watch 'Crystal Maze' now please?'
'Crystal Maze
Crystal Maze Crystal Maze' (until they give in and let me watch 'Crystal
Maze')
'Crystal
Maze AGAIN? We've seen this series MILLIONS of times'
'Seen
this one. They don't get the crystal'
'You are SO
thick!'
'Duh!!!'
'Listen to
Richard you thick cow! He's told you how to do it!'
'Stop
dribbling at Baldy Git, he's an old, bald git'
'For Gods
SAKE! It's so OBVIOUS!'
'Don't change
the channel! I'm videoing this'
'VIDEOING
'Crystal Maze'! You sad cow!'
'What's he
on about now?' (usually when Rick is talking to the camera)
'Go
on, fall in! Yay!!' (house cheer as contestant falls in the water)
'Why
doesn't he ever fall off / trip over something / get thumped by a contestant?'
(talking about Rick)
'TEA TEA TEA
TEA'
'Put the thingy
there…no THERE! Grrrr!'
'That
bloody harmonica'
'What
is he wearing?'
'Shut
up, I'm trying to hear what Richard's saying'
