Monday, January 26, 2004
Frandaze has moved to here!
1/26/2004 04:39:33 PM

Friday, January 23, 2004
Spiderfran! She's back in brand new Spiderweb tights - the ultimate accessory. Not only are her knees protected in elegant black webbing, but so are her thighs, her shins, and her feet. Spiderfran can shoot web into the air with a simple shake of the hips, leap from skyscraper to skyscraper and hang under streetlamps from her toes.

In just three minutes time, Spiderfran will escape her daytime identity, Fundraising Fran, stop saving the world's children and start changing the world's hoisery.

Spiderweb tights. Available only from H&M ladies department.
1/23/2004 05:33:10 PM

Wednesday, January 21, 2004
I have a Hong Kong phone number on a post-it note on my computer. Why is it every time I see it I have to say, 'Hong Kong Shawali Wali, Hong Kong Shawali Wali'? It's driving me nuts.
1/21/2004 01:26:11 PM

Monday, January 19, 2004
I have a television! It's very strange but fortunately sleek and sophisticated. My parents have replaced my Argos bulk of a birthday present that never worked with a very small, slim flatscreen number that now sits quietly in the corner of my room.

The main thing I hate about TV is that it can suck the energy out of a room. But this one is pleasantly unobtrusive. I still prefer my bookshelves, but after two years of no television, I skipped my nightly dose of Bible last night and fell asleep in front of 'Scent of a Woman' instead. I might suffer a temporary addicts phase, but I doubt it will last long. What I really need now is a DVD player so I can watch 'Dirty Dancing' - which, girls and boys, is not only the finest feel-good film ever, but also the only thing in the world to make me feel genuinely, deep-down, no-shame, hardcore girlie.
1/19/2004 04:40:29 PM

Thursday, January 15, 2004
Since my rant about Pret, their staff have stopped loading me up with excess napkins and no longer look deformed when I tell them I don't need a bag. Blogging has magical effects.
1/15/2004 03:25:18 PM

Friday, January 09, 2004
My colleague, LR, has just had a phone call from a crazy Welsh farmer. He said he'd seen our letter about Iran in the local paper and was very concerned. But instead of offering cash, he launched into a spiel about how the government has been making farmers burn excess food when it should be sent to feed the starving. He and his fellow farmers want UNICEF to send their excess beef carcasses overseas. LR told him this was not possible and he went mad, telling her, "You don't have clue! I have the figures and know what could be done. I just need UNICEF to put it in motion." LR pointed out that beef would not be acceptable in many countries, to which he replied, "Food is food - they should eat whatever we send, then they wouldn't be starving."

There are some bizarre people out there.
1/9/2004 12:37:29 PM

Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Wow, I've had the most amazing success at work! I'm so excited. It's all about money so it would bore anyone if I went into details, but basically I've written fabulous applications that have brought it fabulous amounts of dosh. It's also fluke but I've found in this job that the more passionate I am about an application, the more the fluke seems to work my way. Cosmic vibes man.

I'd like a few of those for my UEA writing course - my application will have landed at the admissions office today. I would love to get in, or at least to get an interview. But if not, I'll have to write better and apply again in September. Prayers and good vibes though please. I believe in them lots.
1/7/2004 07:10:14 PM

Tuesday, January 06, 2004
God, January is a miserable month. And February is even worse. Definitely the time of year to escape somewhere tropical but instead it's back to routine in soggy old, puddle-filled England. This year needs a few surprises.

I got new boots for Christmas and a suede strap snapped off one of them at the weekend so they're in repair. As I left my old boots back in Wimbledon I'm stuck with a somewhat limited selection of footwear. This morning I put on a pair of heeled boots that I've worn about twice in my life. You'd think, being a short bird, I'd have experimented already, but I could never be bothered. Now I've made it a new year's resolution to try. They look great with trousers but I walk like an ostrich.

Another resolution is to read the Bible. Having been brought up Catholic, this is of course an entirely new concept to me. I've heard lots of the stories but I've never actually sat down and read the thing. It's a mighty task but I have a favourite quote already - from somewhere in the Philippians (I'm not going about to become one of those born-again referencing freaks):

'I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learnt the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.'

It sounds a bit Buddhist to me - until you add the next line: 'I can do anything through him who gives me strength'. In fact a few other things sounded Buddhist to me. I could be reading it wrong but I'd like to think the Big Book is expansive enough to cover all sorts of philosophies.

Anyway, feeling rather lost at the start of 2004 - and impatient for life to move forward - I found it kind of comforting. Not that I'm anywhere near there yet.
1/6/2004 10:55:26 AM

Friday, January 02, 2004
Happy News Year all. I had a great night in a luxuriously large home with Laura and Ed, James and Mercia and JT. They have been wonderful people to see the new year in with for two years in a row now. We thought we might start a commune in the mansion - plenty of boudoirs and bathrooms, heated floors, a poole table and an enormous trampoline. The trampoline is my favourite but it was too wet and cold to have a go.

Back at work today and I'm feeling a little fluey. Hoping to send off my UEA application before the day is out. I spent last night revising Chapter 1 of my book and now I'm wondering whether I should send that along with the prologue instead of one of the short stories. Dilemma. My new year's resolution is to get onto this course - and if not, to find an almost-as-exciting alternative. The second part is tricky. I'll probably just have to be patient and re-apply next year.

Meanwhile, Iran is calling. It's been a busy week but I managed to raise £25,000 in one day and get a lot of appeals out to regional papers. It's such a shocker. I can't believe that more than a third of the city's population are dead. Imagine if one in every three of the people I knew in London were suddenly killed. It's unthinkable. Prayers and doling out dosh are the only things to do.
1/2/2004 04:37:07 PM

Monday, December 29, 2003
I see I never posted any Christmas wishes - just a moan about Pret staff. How very unseasonal of me. I hope you all had a fun and peaceful time and are full of hopeful feelings for 2004. I did and didn't have a good time, in that order, but the up was very up and the down temporary. I'm sure all will be well again for the new year.

My mother's sister's family came over from Holland. We used to spend all our Christmasses and summers together as children until I was 16 or so, so it was really good to catch up again after far too long. I'm very fond of my cousins Fenella and Laurence and should be seeing more of them from now on.

Pooh Bear had a great Christmas Day - he was three years old on the birthday of Our Lord and decided to enter a pumping dance music phase. He is a Bear with some Very Funky Moves.
12/29/2003 03:25:30 PM

Friday, December 19, 2003
Pret a Manger. Now I like their food and often purchase the odd wrap for lunch, but a particular aspect of the service drives me nuts. Every time I go there, and I mean _every_single_ time, they try to give me a plastic bag and a great wodge of paper napkins. The staff go on auto pilot, pulling out a bag for my - at most - two small products.
"Don't worry about the bag, thanks," I say.
There is a look of intense confusion.
"What?"
"I don't need a bag, thanks."
Panic. Staff member reaches for an extra wodge of napkins to compensate and places my products on top of them with a smile.

Today's server found it particularly difficult to take. I bought a carrot juice. Yes, one single bottle of orange liquid which I'm going to drink as soon as I walk out of the door, and she tries to bag it for me. I say no thanks. Confusion, panic, napkins. I leave the napkins. The girl remembers her training and delivers me a big plastic smile.
"Have a nice day."

Have a nice day? What country are we in, woman? This is England. We don't have a nice day in England. I'm terrified. People are definitely turning into machines.
12/19/2003 03:19:13 PM

Monday, December 15, 2003
Tired. Dazed. Big weekend full of booze, food, groovy people and the M1 (scary - big trucks).

80's work party tomorrow. Bought leg-warmers (scary - I like them).
12/15/2003 04:12:32 PM

Friday, December 12, 2003
It's been a surreal morning for Merivale today. Woke up. Felt the stairs sink into the basement as I creaked up four flights for a shower. Hot shower. Tepid tea. Grey sky, grey pavement, and a numb grey fuzz of forgotten wafer biscuits on the horizon. Nothing too surreal yet.

I get to work. Manager tells me she has to drink two litres of water because her kidneys hurt. Downs one bottle and screams, "I'm drowning!" R and I dive in and save her, ironing out the soggy copy of the team development plan we find trapped in her oesophagus. We're developed, we're saved, we have cocoa-covered hazelnuts.

Comments come in from JC on a story I wrote. Spooky thing is JC controls the world and some words I wrote years ago appear embedded in his text. Words I thought were extinct. The story is haunted by italics.

I leave for lunch. Give a wiggle to Kylie’s ‘Come on baby, do the locomotion’ in Prêt a Manager and find blue hairs in the tuna nicoise. It’s the aliens again. Either that or the 98 to Willesden was never meant to come into my life.
12/12/2003 02:36:53 PM


My colleague has just been sent two rubber ducks and a yellow whistle shaped like a beak (it quacks when you blow it). The letter accompanying them tells her that rubber duck racing is _the_ new wave in fundraising. She must register now for more rubber ducks. Well, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty excited. Cutting edge stuff.
12/12/2003 12:19:05 PM

Wednesday, December 10, 2003
I passed my driving test on Monday! And for my first motorway experience, I get to drive Kris' mini to Nottingham this weekend. Seeing as my test began with a very shaky effort at reading the number plate for the eye test and a complete inability to locate the horn, I did pretty well - with only 4 minor faults. I'm now trying to send off for my licence. The form mentions the importance of enclosing a fee at least three times but nowhere, absolutely nowhere, does it tell me how much.

So then I got flu, which I think was the only way my body could tell me to shut up and chill out. I've been so over-excited lately, mostly about writing and applying for this MA. Yesterday I discovered that the tutors I met are published authors, so I've just spent my lunch break rushing around in search of their books. Now my head hurts again.

But I did come back to some excellent news at work - 2 out of 4 proposals I put forward to Jersey government have been accepted. What with this being one of the most financially vital doolallys of my job, I'm very relieved. Kris played his part - the internet was down on the morning of my interview with them and I had to ask him to look up the phone number for UNICEF in East Timor. Sadly, the committee rejected that project, but I'm sure the world's children would like to thank Kris for his emergency contribution nonetheless. He's a lovely chap, that Kris and his internet.
12/10/2003 03:26:04 PM