WolfMan?

I can't really say what it is about the night that I like so much. Might be that the world, or most of it, has gone to sleep and left me alone for once. The quiet allows me to gather my thoughts, gather myself almost. Helps me keep from falling apart when the world wakes up and the chaos ensues. From being tugged apart by this demand and that.

Might also be my way of connecting with nature. Living in one of the biggest cities in the world kinda cuts you off from Mother Earth. The odd tree, the bit of grass sprouting from between cracked pavement stones, a playing field, none of that's nature, not really. In the cities, mankind has banished nature. But at night, you can disconnect from all that. Just be in touch with the night sky, the moon - shining a warmer light now, it seems, during these summer months - the stars. The night sky is a small piece of nature that mankind hasn't banished yet. The streetlights threaten it, yes, but they won't win this battle, not alone.

Mostly, though, I reckon it's because I feel safer at night. Oh, I fear the dark, or the things that lurk in it. More so now that I know what sort of things they are. But I still feel safer. Because I know that I can be stronger with the night.

I used to use my spare time, in human form, trying to answer my questions. What? How? Why? I gave up a long time ago. Nothing in the books could tell me what I was, or how I got that way. I'd never seen a wolf in my life before I changed. How could I be bitten by one? I gave up caring anyways. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, as my old man used to say. Now all I do with my spare time is look forward to the night.

It's easier to change with the full moon. I don't know why. Another wolfman once suggested that the moon awakens primal instincts in all men and women. That, for us, those instincts took physical form. I don't think that's it. The guy was a psychology student. What would he know?

But, tonight, there's no full moon. And I'm going to change anyway. I want to dash out of the city, run amongst those woods on the hill, chase some wildlife, be chased by some wildlife. Never mind the torture. The payoff is worth it.

Changing is always painful. I don't get why you'd think otherwise. The body has to change pretty much everything. Bones twist, lengthen and shorten, organs shuffle about, sprout, shrivel, shrink. Muscles and sinews and tendons unwrap themselves, flail wildly around my warped body before lashing themselves around my new form. The pain is unimaginable. I've been shot a few times, and changing always reminds me of that. Only it's like being shot everywhere, over and over again. For hours.

But then?

I live. Clothes gone. Free. Smell better. Hear better. Feel better. Colour flat, simple. Quick. I run, around cars. Men shout. I yip laughter, leave them. Hard lives, with driving, work, rest. Even play hard. Wolf play simple. Wolf work fun, work is play. Hunt is game, new each night. I pounce at rat, playing. Rat scampers off. I smell its fear. Wolf is strong, it knows. Rat is weak, it knows.

Woman shriek. I look. She holds baby, smells of fear. Thinks I would eat child. No. Too old. Too dangerous. Can use tools. But I growl, to hear her shriek more. Another game. Wolf life is game.

Out of city now. Fields almost free, grass almost wild. Night hugs me, all around. Moon smiles at me. I smile back, tongue out. It is hot time now and I ran. Hot now. Need rest. But no time. Need to live. Can rest in day.

She is there again, in that wood. She is better than woman. Wolf play real, woman and man play empty, stupid. Mating is better. No ties, simple. We mate and we hunt. I tease badger, smell her fear. It hits my nose, blood drips. Blood is black under moon. Bad cut. Will need bandage.

Even wolf life tinged. Human thoughts in wolf body. Not right. I want wolf only. Can never have it. She feels my sadness. We mate again. It is good. But still sad. Morning soon. Have to change. Want to stay. Better to run back as wolf. Man runs slow. I leave her. She knows I'll return.

Man thoughts return on way back. As if body tires of acting as wolf. I notice more human things. Hearing worsens. Smell worsens. I hunger for cooked meat, not raw. Change is too easy, harder to stop it than it was to start it in the first place.

Bones warp. Organs shuffle. Muscles lash. I let out a keening wail before I go under. Knowing that, all too soon, I will be man again.