No infringement of the following characters and situations is intended.
Warning: Rated [MA] Mature Adults only. Contains m/m sexual scenes and violence.
Title: When The River Runs Dry
Author/pseudonym: Hellblazer
E-mail address: havisham06@yahoo.com
Rating: MA
Pairing: A/W W/W
Date: 10/11/00
Disclaimers: Don't own these characters, Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox, Mutant Enemy, and the rest do. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred.
Warnings: sexual references
Summary: More Wes & Will soap.
It started, as it always did, with a vision.
Cordelia dropped all the books she was carrying, causing Wes to pause for an instant over whether to catch the rare books or Cordelia. Chivalry one and he held her as she writhed in his arms.
He wasn’t expecting the first words she spoke. Willow. Willow was in trouble.
Angel and Wesley burst through the hospital doors to find the Scooby Gang looking morose in the corner.
A nurse caught them.
"How is she?" Wesley demanded.
"She is stable, but she's been very badly beaten."
"And the child?"
The nurse shook her head sadly.
"I'm so sorry."
Wesley nodded, not really absorbing the news, too aware of everyone staring at him, especially Angel.
"Wait," The nurse stopped him, barring the door. "You can't go in there unless you're family."
"I'm her husband," Wesley insisted quietly. The tremor in his voice and the pain in his eyes was enough for her and she let him pass, standing to bar Angel from following.
"Just family," she reminded pointedly.
Angel stared at Wesley's retreating back. Wife? Child? Angel turned away lost to find everyone looking at him. He slouched off, not wanting to show it was the first he'd heard of it, either.
Wesley kissed her forehead tenderly. Willow's eyes fluttered open and she saw him, and immediately her face crumpled into tears, first from the shock, then from the pain.
"I know," he soothed, stroking her hair.
"I'm so sorry, Wes," she started, but he shushed her softly.
"It happened. We just have to live with it."
"I can't."
"Yes you can. We both can. We're both young," he reminded.
"Oh no, Wes, I can't," she cried helplessly.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. I just...I wanted to be a father."
"I'm so sorry, Wes," she wept.
"It's not your fault."
"It is." she cried again. "I had no purpose being there, it's not my job. I killed our baby."
Wesley stroked her hairline softly.
"No. Our child was too special for this world," he offered sadly. His thumb stroked her temple. "It's my fault. If I'd paid more attention to The Powers That Be, if I'd studied the prophecies more..."
"No, Wes." She looked at him at last.
"You were right. It wasn't meant to be."
"I wanted it to be."
"I know."
He kissed her forehead softly.
Maybe, someday, the time would be right.
Willow's face twisted bitterly. "I'm sick of fighting demons. No more."
"We can do that. We can go away. For a month or forever. What ever you need."
"What about Angel?"
"He's not going anywhere." He kept stroking her hair softly.
Wesley emerged to find every eye on him.
"Wes?" asked Angel.
Wesley shrugged. "I'm okay. I'm just devestated. Willow is utterly destroyed. She's falling apart and there's nothing I can do."
Buffy leapt up. "I'll talk to her."
"No." Wesley stopped her in her tracks a little more harshly than he'd meant to. "Let Willow be for a bit," he tried to explain. "She doesn't blame you, but she's very upset. She wants a normal life, without monsters. Without death."
"It's a normal enough reaction under the circumstances," Giles placated, stepping in as peace maker, as always.
"I'm so sorry, Wesley. I had no idea."
No one did.
"How did it happen?" Wesley asked of Buffy, and the accusation in his voice was unmistakable. How did you let this happen?
Buffy shrugged uncomfortably. She'd never liked Wesley. She liked him even less now, especially the way he was looking at her. That old student teacher look that pissed her off so much.
"Don't you dare...she never said or I'd never have...I was blindsided, okay?" God, she hated this. He wasn't her Watcher any more, but she knew he was grading her badly.
"You thought they were after you, but they were after Willow. Instead of protecting her you left her undefended."
"Hey, don't you start, you weren't there, you were in LA as I recall...""
"Buffy, stop," Giles commanded gently, and she fell silent and sat back down, sulking.
"I'm sorry, Wesley," Giles offered. "But we had no idea."
"I thought they'd wait until she was closer to term. You understand the need for secrecy. We wanted to avoid...this. All of this."
Giles snapped into Watcher mode. "There were signs?"
"Some," Wesley confided. "It's all so vague. I thought I had time..." He saw Angel watching him.
Giles saw it too. He could understand why Wesley had wanted to keep this hidden for as long as possible.
Wesley signalled Angel to follow him, he took Angel's hand and led him back into Willow's room, leaving everyone more confused.
Willow was asleep at last. Wesley and Angel leant against the wall together, watching over her.
"You never told me," Angel sulked.
"We didn't tell anyone. We eloped. Ten minutes in a Registry office at lunchtime."
"Not very romantic."
Wesley shrugged. "It was a business arrangement. Willow was having my child, and I didn't want it born a bastard in case one day my family chooses to acknowledge the child. I was ensuring my child's inheritance, nothing more. Willow went back to university, I went back to work."
"You never told me."
"We were going to. We just wanted to wait, in case anything... happened to the child." The pain returned to his eyes.
"I'm so sorry Wes."
"My son..." Wes began to crumple, but managed to control himself.
"I still love you, Angel. I'll always love you.
Angel turned away, too betrayed for words.
"Angel, Angel, listen to me." Wesley appealed to the vampire. He caught him and stroked his face, capturing his attention.
"I had every intention of telling you. I just wanted to wait...wait until Willow and I were certain of what we were going to do. That was a decision for us to make, and no one else. But we were going to tell you. Wes wanted you to be a part of our family, to be the child's protector. Angel, I named my son Liam, for you."
"No, no," Angel pulled away. Damned name. Cursed name.
Oh god, Wesley's son. Wesley had lost his son. And Angel, Angel had lost the child he would have helped raise, and adored. Wesley had been offering him the closest chance he had of being a father, and now, he had lost it. And he knew the grief in his heart was nothing compared to Wesley's. Oh, god.
He grabbed Wesley close.
"Wes, I'm so sorry."
They held each other a long while, then Angel looked up, and they kissed, softly, then passionately, then they broke apart, Wesley gasping. They shared a long look, an understanding.
Angel stroked Wesley's cheek softly. Wesley turned his face into the caress, and then it was all too much. He crumpled against Angel and they slumped into the plastic chairs together, Wesley held tight in Angel's arms.
Angel just stared at a spot on the wall as he held Wesley. He would have to be the strong one again. He stroked Wesley's hair. He owed Wesley that much, at least.
Angel should have known. If he’d been paying more attention, he would have known. The signs were there for anyone to see. The day Wiloow had come to visit, how she and Wes had talked quietly on their own, how Wes had held her, how his hand had rested gently on her belly. And Willow’s scent, Angel should have known. He shouldn’t have needed to be told. He was almost as angry with himself as he was with Wesley.
"How did it happen?" Angel had to ask.
Wesley blinked at him.
"Angel, I know they didn't have sex education when you were at school but I really thought -"
"I know that," Angel insisted irritably. "I didn't know you and Willow were..."
"We weren't bonking like bunnies, if that's what you mean. We use sex in some of our spells. It happened."
Angel gave him a look.
Wesley gave him one right back.
"Willow was on the pill but when you mess about with fertility gods," he shrugged.
"Willow wanted to have the child, because of the beauty of the conception. She felt it was meant to be."
Wesley suddenly ages several years in a heartbeat. Angel saw the grief ravage poor Wesley's face.
"Are you going to be okay?" Angel asked, not knowing what to do, what comfort he needed to offer, if any.
Wesley's face grew hard and cold.
"No, I'm not all right. I'll never be all right. I've lost a child. You've got no idea what that feels like."
No, Angel didn't. He never would. That showed clearly on his face.
"Oh, god, Angel, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean," he reached for Angel, but Angel waled away from him.
Wesley was left leaning against the wall on the verge of tears. The whole situation was rubbing Angel's vampirism in his face. Angel was so sensitive about it. So touchy about what he couldn't have. And so wrapped up in his own pain that he left Wesley alone to deal with his.
Oh god. Wesley sank down onto the floor, resting his head against his knees. It was a horrible mess. Willow was hurt, Angel hated him and Wesley, Wesley had lost his child and a hell of a lot of his innocence, all in one night.
Angel sat on the very edge of the hospital, his legs dangling off into the abyss. He wondered what would happen if he fell. Would he walk away or lie there until daylight? Would he impale himself and crumble to dust? Would anyone care?
Would Wesley?
Wesley had lied to him. Or at least, kept secrets from him. Important secrets.
Angel had known about the Willow thing. If anything, he'd been glad. If it had to be anyone, he was glad it was Willow. But he'd not known it had become so serious. Wesley had been having this entire other life Angel had known nothing about. He'd never suspected, he'd never looked. And Wesley had never told him...
He didn't pay Wesley enough attention, he knew that. And Wesley was scared of him, that made it hard for Wesley to tell him things, things that had nothing to do with work, things that might make Angel angry.
He reflected upon his relationship with Wesley. Such an odd little dance of repressed passion and longing, terrible highs and lows, daily death threats and moments of the most perfect sweetness and even silliness Angel had ever known. Like when Wesley had bought him that completely dreadful "kiss me I'm Irish" t-shirt on St Patricks day. He couldn't help but smile at the memory, the Wesley and Cordelia had collapsed into giggles when he'd held it up aghast. He smiled more. Wesley had looked so cheeky, Angel hadn't known whether to kiss him, spank him or both.
Oh, he loved Wesley. And Wesley loved him. It was just difficult. They were too alike at times, too different at others, and the universe threw so much shit at them.
Like now. Angel felt betrayed, left out of the loop. And another part of him was relieved, almost glad that he wouldn't have to share Wesley with anyone else. A child - demon hunting was no place for a child. It would have been difficult. But it was something he would have to face. That his family would have their own families. That pang of loneliness, of being left alone. That fear, that was the root of his anger, his cruel, unspeakably cruel treatment of Wesley.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to the moon. Wesley knew already. Angel didn't need to say it. Wesley understood. He just wanted everything to be right again, too.
It could never be same. But maybe, they could get over this, together. All of them. He loved them both. They'd get through this.
Wesley was slumped in the plastic chair. He glanced up at Angel's return.
Angel knelt in front of him, cupped Wesley's face in his hands for one gentle kiss.
"I love you," Wes murmured in response.
"I know." Angel kissed him again softly.