Nick's Big Haul  

 return to tales of wonder and destruction         return to main index
   
Nicolas A Nything was not having one of his better days . He had just pulled of the theft of his life , but it had left him with one small problem , That been what the heck to do with it . Now stealing a building was a real challenge even at the best of times . For one thing buildings tended to be rather large for a start . A good thief could steal all he could carry , a clever one could steal all his horse could carry , and a really smart thief could steal all the merchants wagon he swiped the day before could carry . But a house , well , a house was a little harder to lift . That was probably why they built them out of all them little bricks . No stealing a house was a little beyond the realms of the possible ................ Nick A Nything liked to think big however . The thing about been the best was you had to be able to steal things no one else could . It had all started as a joke in the tavern one night between him , slimy Ted the part time beggar and full time snitch and Leech , who specialised in stealing items of clothing from washing lines . Leech wasn't his real name , but no one could remember his real name , they had called him leech for years , ever since someone found out that he only actually stole particular items from washing lines , the ones belonging to young women . Anyway they had been taking bets on who could pull the biggest job ever . Slimy had said he had once stolen an ale cart from out side the wayside inn on the Meadowbrook road . But had drunk the proceeds before he actually got to sell em , Leech for his part went on and on about the duchess of Poldoons washing line but no one believed him , Either way that left Nick with a problem , He had to out do them , not that out doing the two of them would have been much of a problem but Nick liked to think big and he was drunk at the time so he had decided to bet he could steal a house . Later , or more to the point the following morning at about 10 am when he awoke with a stinker of a hang over , later he had realised that he had just set himself an impossible task . Later still , this particular later been two days later as he was tapping an unsuspecting merchant on the head to lighten the burden that the days trade had place upon him , something Nick liked to thing of as a service . Later still Nick had come across the answer to his problem . The merchant in question was a lawyer , and one of the items he had on him were the deeds to a small shop in the merchant quarter of Torlia . Interesting things deeds , Nick had thought , You hold the deeds then you own the building , technically at least . The light dawned in almost exactly the same way as it had gone out for the pour merchant at his feet . Nick smiled , and taking only the time to check the customers pockets and take the fine pair of boots that were just the right size and swapping them with his own , Nick set off for the bonds and holdings building in the central square . He had spent the rest of the evening , after a quick and blunt conversation with the night-watchman comprising of " Hello ,,,,, Thunk " , rifling through the filing cabinets of the property scribes . In there were the deeds for every building in Torlia from the cloths shop in market way , to the workers homes by the south gate , to the ducal palace itself . Which came to the crux of Nicks problem , it was always the same with Nick , he never could get the hang of scale , he blamed his mother for quoting the proverb " you might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb " at him every day of his childhood . Nick had a habit of taking that to heart and always taking the proverbial sheep rather than the Lamb . As he remarked to Slimy and Leech as he read through the contents of the document wallet in the ' Friendly Highwayman's Arm ' the following afternoon . " What the hell do you do with a whole city when you have stolen it ? "

By Mark Hayes 

  return to tales of wonder and destruction         return to main index

1