1.) Do you want to come back to my place bouncy bouncy?
Evening, squire.
I am no longer infected.
Eurrr... I haven't had it for WEEKS!
I'm sorry?
No, thank you.
Only if I can lick your ankles.
No, I'm off to write a song.
Oh, heavens, no.
We are not entertained.
2.) I am living:
in outer space.
in a country that I'm not from.
in the country I'm from, but I travel. A lot.
alternately in the country I'm from and in a country I'm not from.
in a country I'm not from, but living with my spouse from here.
in the country I'm from, being insane.
in Germany!... No, England.
I'm not.
in the country I was raised in, but not born in.
3.) What is your name?
Bruce
Bruce
Bruce
Bruce
Bruce
Boss Fella Bruce
Michael
Extra
Queen
4.) Is there something going on?
No, nothing's going on.
I'm glad you could all come to my little... party.
I think there's something going on!
Come on, Stapleton. The fillings.
Whatever happened to Baby Jane?
I MAKE things go on.
...I can do a nice little tap-dance!
We are not permitted to talk of these things.
I don't know, I wasn't there.
5.) When does a dream begin?
Does it start with a goodnight kiss?
When we rule most of the world.
When you get your own series and are able to do something different.
When you're at the best party of your life.
When you're traveling around the world.
When it's animated.
When your sketch gets in, and not John's! Ha!
When you're fast asleep, eh? Eh?
When you're looked upon as being funny, not just sexy.
6.) What's your favourite hair style?
Short. Black. Neat.
Freeflowing, long, wavy hair.
Any kind.
Anything but that awful perm...
A prim bun.
Hippie-ish.
Short in the front, longer in the back, with nice sideburns.
I wear hats.
Mid-way between long and short, but wavy.
7.) How sweet to be an idiot...
as harmless as a cloud.
too small to hide the sun.
almost poking fun at the warm but insecure, untidy crowd.
and dip my brain in joy.
children laughing at my back, with no fear of attack.
as much retaliation as a toy.
I tiptoe down the street, smile at everyone I meet.
but mother, I'm playing so beautifully! Listen!
We don't find it very sweet at all.
8.) If I were not...
in the CID, a window cleaner, me!
a barrister, an engine driver, me!
a girl, a boy, me!
taken in by the BBC, a Californian, me!
a great big actor, a hairdresser, me!
a writer, a quiz show host, me!
the Queen, a dead person, we!
doing travelogues, a Wal*Mart greeter, me!
a composer, a fine old actor, me!
9.) What would you most likely Spam order off a Spam menu?
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam.
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, Spam, Spam, and Spam.
Spam, egg, Spam, bacon, Spam, tomato, Spam.
Lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pâté, brandy, a fried egg on top and Spam.
Spam?
Egg and Spam.
Oh, Spam, rather.
I DON'T LIKE SPAM!
We do not care for Spam.
10.) Lastly, what would you not be caught dead doing?
Showing EVERYTHING, thank you very much!
Cutting off my hair.
Selling out.
Giving up directing.
Throwing away "The Fish-Slapping Dance."
Um... I am dead.
Forgetting The Rutles.
A crappy, American, CANCELLED sitcom... oops, too late for that.
Anything foolish.