1	You carry a tube of Ametop® in your purse instead a tube of lipstick
2	Children with hair look strange!
3	You can sleep anywhere and in any position. A comfortable piece of furniture is anything that reclines more than 10 degrees.
4	Your partner asks what that sexy perfume is, and it's the open Alcowipe® in your pocket!
5	You haven’t noticed that the sharps container is on the kitchen table until half way through lunch.
6	You enjoy the drive at 3:00am to the Hospital Ward because there are no other cars on the road.
7	You can name all the equipment used on Holby City/Casualty.
8	You can diagnose patients on Holby City/Casualty before the Doctors/Nurses do, and you spot their mistakes!
9	You hear a bus/coach reversing and you think the alarm on the IV machine is beeping.
10	You are so proud when your child finally gets hair back – and then they dye it!
11	Your bathroom pedal-bin has "Bio Hazard" written on it.
12	You and your kid can manoeuvre the IV machine & trolley to the Patients kitchen, make six rounds of toast, tour the ward and make it back to your room before the IV low-battery alarm sounds.
13	You realize you've been home two weeks, and you're still measuring your child’s liquid ins and outs!
14	The nurses stop responding to your child’s IV alarm, knowing you'll fix it anyway.
15	You have reset the IV in your sleep, every 30 minutes without waking up once!
16	You child feels naked or lonely without their IV pole.
17	Your child takes their IV pole for a walk around the ward even though they’re not connected.
18	You can hook up an IV pump with your eyes closed.
19	You keep an emergency bag packed at all times (just like being 9½ months pregnant).
20	You can read the doctors prescription word for word, and are asked to decipher it by the Nurses/Chemist!

21	You know the medical terminology/protocols/regimen better than your GP.
22	The Local Health Authority delivers stores to your door!
23	You have dedicated one half of your front room to medical supplies.
24	You have a syringe in your purse and you're not a diabetic.
25	You can correct the Nurses when they misread your child’s chart and explain why!
26	You can park/abandon your car anywhere you like in the Hospital car park even in front of the security guards without fear of a clamp or ticket!
27	Medical students ask to borrow your notes!
28	Your main source of nutrition comes from Aspirin/Paracetomol/Pro-plus®.
29	When you use the term six-pack, you are talking about platelets, not Beer!
30	You hear yourself say the words, "You can have anything you want" at least twice a month!
31	You've been telephoned by a friend of the family to check on the chemo schedule asking, "How will her counts be on the 9th?" before they arrange a party.
32	Your child’s critique of the nursing/medical student's examination skills is the same as the supervising Consultant/Registrar.
33	When you walk down the hall with your child and find yourself feeling naked without the IV pole!!
34	When the siblings want to know what the child's counts are to see if they can go inside and eat at McDonald's.
35	Your kid has received enough get-well cards to make the entire bonfire on 5th November.
36	When you are thankful for Dexamethasone® because there will be nothing left of the Sunday Dinner.
37	You have to tell the nurses where their supplies cupboards are!
38	When all it takes is 10 minutes from fridge to table for a seven-course for your child’s Dexamethasone® pig out.
39	When your child rugby-tackles you screaming, "I'm starving to death! Feed-me!" in public and you laugh instead of scolding them for embarrassing you!
40	You can make a variety of arts and crafts out of hospital supplies: isolation masks become turtles and drip tubes filled with glitter and baby oil make great shiny necklaces!

41	When the doctor finally enters the examination room they find you and your child with several glove balloons and latex glove powder around your mouth.
42	The share care Hospital Ward calls you at home asking what size port needles they should stock in case they have to access your child's port and then ask if you’re able to access it for them.
43	When you think that anything that your child will eat and keep down is a "nutritious meal", even if it is chocolate and lollies.
44	All your body lotion and plasters are gone because the doll needed Ametop® too!
45	When your 12 year old is making appointments for the nursing staff to do their manicures, because they love her nail art.
46	Training for the London Marathon consists of laps around the Paediatric Oncology Ward with your child in their wheel chair.
47	When your child has done all of the puzzles in the playroom at the hospital so many times that she/he can now do them in five minutes with the pieces upside down.
48	Your child has his/her own website to keep family and friends updated on his/her progress because calling everyone gets to be too expensive and repeating the report over and over is tiring .
49	You hear yourself say "just because you have cancer does not mean you can be rude" and you don't feel bad about it.
50	When asked which child on the playground is yours, you reply "the bald one."
51	Your Child has been out of the hospital for a week and begs to watch  "Casulty/Holby city" on TV because it feels like home.
52	Your child is so used to staying in the hospital that they sleep all night there but wake up in their own bed at home because they’re not comfortable.
53	Your child corrects a nurse when they forget to change the caps of their tubes.
54	You're happy when your child is still awake at 1am and is now asking for his/her favourite meal.
55	You'll even raid your friend's fridge while visiting because of child’s steroid assisted hunger.
56	You have the share care Local Hospital Ward and the Great Ormond Street Oncology ward's phone number's programmed as speed dial numbers on your mobile.
57	You have learnt all of the parts of blood, know what they do and have memorised the last two months path lab results.
58	The old phrase, "bald is beautiful," takes on a whole new meaning.
59	You can laugh and cry, at the same, time while reading this list.
60	Your child take’s their temperature and does a good job!

61	All of the neighbour’s kids are having water fights with syringes.
62	When you feel more at home in the ward than the new doctor!
63	When, at home, you try to dial "9" to get an outside line.
64	Your child's photo album includes pictures of before, during, and after surgery.
65	You're making twice as many trips to the supermarket because your child is on dexamethasone®
66	You explain to your child that the hospital is not a hotel and the nurse at the front desk is not her private secretary for personal calls.
67	People in supermarkets are looking closely trying to figure out whether your child is male or female.
68	At the restaurant, your child circles his/her meal selection on the menu and hands it back to the waiter.
69	When you are proud of your child who tells the surgery staff, "I don’t want gas, I use the oxygen mask, I wake up ‘talking’ in the Operating room and if this takes more than 15 min I'm coming after you."
70	When you mistakenly put Ametop® cream on your toothbrush. Numb tongue!
71	You're filling syringes on Halloween and you're NOT a psycho.
72	You can joke about the fact that your child has cancer.
73	Your compassion is just a little too non-existent for other people and their kids minor illnesses and ailments!!
74	You don't feel comfortable leaving the house until you make sure that your handbag contains heparin flushes, medical tape, bandages and at least a day's supply of pills.
75	The twenty minutes it takes to go to the hospital shop for a magazine is your escape for the day.
76	Your child can pass as a prep nurse as they help to lay out the supplies needed for portacath maintenance.
77	All of your shopping lists have lab results on the back of them.
78	You're the only person in the supermarket reading the labels so you are sure to buy your child the food topping the junk food list!!
79	Your child asks if the oncology nurse actually knows what she is doing when accessing the port.
80	Your child, having reacted to the blood transfusion, screams at the top of their voice, at the nurse who is disappearing out of the door “I need painkillers now, how f*cking difficult can it be to get f*cking painkillers in a f*cking Hospital” and you can only agree!

81	The "second opinion" oncologist says you know more about the diagnosis than he does.
82	When you get a McDonalds Charge Card because you spend most of your life there!
83	You don't have any more water pistols because your child reckons that they can shoot a lot further and more accurately with the 50ml syringes.
84	You have so many get-well cards on the wall that you’ve forgotten if it's wallpapered or painted.
85	When you can use the hospital bed railing as a pillow and find it comfortable.
86	You are taking pictures in the hairdressers of that momentous first haircut since your child’s hair grew back, and you have to explain that he/she hasn't had a cut in over a year!
87	When your husband has more hair than your daughter.
88	When you have more pictures of your child bald than with hair.
89	When you take your child to the hairdressers to get his/her hair dyed blue you have to show pictures of them bald so they don't think you are a strange parent.
90	Waiting at a busy junction in the car, you get your child to remove their hat and look pathetic in the hope someone will let you in.
91	When sleeping with your eyes open is the only sleep you get.
92	You schedule a blood transfusion before the holiday "just to be on the safe side."
93	You put a plate of food on the table at dinnertime and your child shouts, "Hey! This isn't what I ordered!"
94	Despite at least 1000 customers per day the Gt Ormond Street pharmacist knows your name!
95	You stockpile your child’s favourite foodstuff during "that time of the month" - the dexamethaZONE!
96	When you know exactly how many seconds you must hold down the adjustable bed controller button, to get the angle just right so you can be comfy in the bed.
97	When the nurse calls they ask about the family on a first and last name basis.
98	Having spent months willing your child's hair to grow back now that they're on maintenance and it's grown back you are paying to have it cut, plucked and removed!
99	Every little thing can make you cry in a heartbeat, but this list, on the other hand, has you rolling on the floor!
100	When you've cried so much in front of your child that, without any change of expression, they calmly ask you if you’re crying because you're mad, sad or happy?
101	You really think this list is funny, when most normal people either don't get it or start to cry!