Player Ratings 



		Antonis V     - Goalie (alledgedly)

		Steve P       - Left fullback (alledgedly)

		Phil Abbott   - Left right out (alledgedly)

		Phil Bray     - Somewhere in the defence and NOT man marking

		Nick Ashman   - Goalie or central defender (apparently)

		Chris Foster  - Premadonna

		Tom Bonsall   - In positions played by everyone else

		Kev B         - Right fullback with right ankle in tact

		Lee K         - Right midfield (fortunately or unfortunately)

		Paul McCudden - Dodgy Accent

		Nick Bray     - Lillian Nalis

		Bernie M      - Playing left wing for the first time ever

		Chris Stenson - Too old (alledgedly)

		Lee Stone     - Forgot right foot in Leicester

		Thomo         - Too tall

		Damo          - Too many sliding tackles

		Luke          - Too many dancers

		Neil James    - too young (alledgedly)

		Bob Wood      - Concrete wall

Seriously - I think

Antonis - Well he made it!

Stevie P - Can't quite work out what is the best position for Steve after a great showing up front against Lens. He ran around fantastically well in that game, it's just a shame no one ever passed him the ball. Apart from that shared games at left fullback. With Phil Bray getting old and not being able to man mark perhaps a positional change into the middle of defence is required. He wouldn't be able to man mark but the player wouldn't be able to get past him! Didn't do many Parker Plonks where he basically just falls on the ground but somehow manages to tackle the player while falling on his arse. Suffered a life threatening back injury when walking from the car to the pitch but being a great team man and trying to avoid embarrasment he played on. Showed he would also be good defending a post at corners and will perhaps just stand there in future as he doesn't do much running. What a player! 6/10

Phil Abbott - Can't quite work out what is the best position for Phil after solid performances at the back. Certainly proved in the Lens game that if you put him in the midfield he likes playing on the attacking side of the half only. Does well on the left as he is a right footer. With Phil Bray suffering illnesses and various injuries perhaps Phil Abbott should move into the middle of the defence. No goals from a distance that I missed this year. Managed to do many of his "Oh Sorry" challenges particularly at key times in the first two games and I wouldn't want to run into Phil! A few players need to learn how to take an opposition player out like Phil does. Should perhaps avoid a Fawlty Towers fried breakfast the morning of some key games. 6/10

Kev B - Can't quite work out what is the best position for Kev after he proved himself a versatile footballer over the weekend. With Phil Bray starting to suffer from tiredness and aching bones perhaps Kev should move into the middle of the defence. He did very well against QPR playing there. Only problem about Kev in the middle of the park is that he likes to fall over when attempting to tackle and he seems to prefer to challenge for the footy while he's lying on the ground. This means "PENALTY" is something you might hear often when Kev is involved. Is remembered for that fantastic sliding challenge early in the first game where while still on the ground he passed the ball straight back to the opposition. Stayed fit (alledgedly) all tournament which was amazing. 6/10

Damo - First worldnet and hopefully not the last. Another very versatile player that played all over the back four and also in the midfield so can't quite work out what is the best position for him. With Phil Bray starting to struggle a bit backing up for games and over a whole weekend, Damo might look at moving into the central defence role. Needs to learn what the meaning of the word "friendly" is but if he makes a few more friends he might. Got stuck in for every game and you sensed that the fact that he had no friends meant he got all his frustration out on the football or any opposition player that got his legs anywhere in Damo's vicinity. Certainly would get the player if he didn't get the ball. I'd hate to see him play a game when the pitch is wet and perfect for sliding tackles. Needs a special mention for the world's worst dive ever. I mean this would have had points taken off it was so bad. In fact the ref had the whistle in his mouth and was going to blow for a free-kick but the dive was so bad he was too busy laughing to do anything. Damo played very well when called upon especially when defending on his own against Stockport. 6/10

Chris Foster - A good team player (that's what you say when they're too crap to say anything good about). Can't quite work out what position is best for Chris to play in because he seems to think he is too good for anywhere and he supports Forest. Perhaps he should be dropped for Phil Bray as even with Phil being pretty crap at least he realises he is crap and that's half the battle. No great goals from a distance this year for Chris but plenty of pissing about with the ball and trying to make it look like he had all the time in the world. Awful leader at the back - just ask Phil Bray - and can't keep a line so trying to play any sort of offside trap is pointless as no one listens to him. Think of something positive to say......... okay, he was very solid at centre half and part of the strong backbone of the side that played most of the games. Very important player to have in the side especially as he needs to cover for our other aging centre half. 6/10

Nick Ashman - Played in goal initially because we were really really really desperate but also got out into the central defence. Played well in both - for that reason it is difficult to work out what his best position is. Conceded very few goals when playing goalie however that's got nothing to do with his keeping skills and more down to the fact our defence was half decent. Came off his line every now and then but it was clear he'd rather just stand there and let everyone else do all the work. When he played in the defence we started conceding goals but I can't quite work out if that was because Antonis was in goal or because Nick was crap. Certainly didn't want to hurt Steve Parker so is quite clearly scared of him and let's face it - who's scared of Steve Parker?? We are very thankful he "volunteered" to play in goal and he did an excellent job. Perhaps if we get a keeper he can turn out in central defence as we've already ascertained that Phil Bray won't last much longer. 6/10

Tom Bonsall - Had a quiet tournament as unfortunately wanted to play in a position that 5 other players played in. I can't work out what his best position in the team is but he obviously knows what it is! This meant sometimes missing out but he accepted it and still supported the side. With Phil Bray aging ever so quickly and us needing a new linesman as the last one was awful, Tom will get an opportunity to play at centre half and show us what a good job he can do. With Nick Bray becoming more lazy and more interested in his appearance, Tom may get an opportunity in the middle of the park too. Tom did well when he did play especially as not in his favoured position on the wing. Part of our youth policy, he needs to learn to slow down his drinking on a night out especially as he was on water by about 10.30pm. 6/10

Lee K - Another Worldnet debutant. Another player with a dodgy accent. Must be something about that family. This accent being a lancashire one. Lee K was also a very versatile player who played either wide on the wing or in one of the fullback roles. I can't quite work out the best position for him really - whether it be midfield or at the back. With Phil Bray passing the ball to the guy over on the other pitch in the red shirt and with Nick Bray just not passing the ball full stop, perhaps Lee K could look at moving into the middle of the park somewhere. He is probably better at the back because frankly, his finishing skills in front of goal are atrocious. He needs some lessons from the other Lee. 6/10

Paul McCudden - What?? Exactly. Over the next few match reports we will all be taking lessons so that we can all kind of understand what he's on about when he turns up late next year. A very key player in the centre of midfield especially as his partner in crime (Nick Bray in case you haven't worked it out) can't pass the ball to save himself. Paul runs about a lot and yells a lot but no one ever passes him the ball - probably because he can't shoot at all and we're better off having a go ourselves. Our free-kick specialist he only had the one chance this year and it was absolutely pathetic so he's probably sacked and Lee Stone who never passed the ball anyway will probably be more than happy to take over. Paul deserves a mention for the challenge he did on the Greek Watford striker that was only about 5 minutes late and he was going for the ball. He'd get on well with the Lincoln player that just nicked me in a challenge. That was a great team effort as he could have got a red and 3 match suspension for that. So I won't deduct any points. 6/10

Thomo - Another worldnet debutant and funnily anough another versatile player. There's a few in the squad and luckily so! It is difficult to tell what is Thomo's best position as he was chucked in so many by our captain - poor b*****d. As it is he played on the wing, up front and at the back. I would think with Lee and Luke up front Thomo might have to drop into central midfield, especially as Nick Bray seems to be wearing the wrong strength prescription contact lenses. He might be required at centre half also as Phil Bray should be wearing some prescription contact lenses!!! Thomo never let the side down when he played and is a strong player, if not a little too tall. Unlucky not to score or is that he's just crap in front of goal? Can't tell really. Hopefully he'll return again soon too. 6/10

Chris Stenson - a quiet tournament for Chris as I can't think of anything cheeky to write about him. Funnily enough Chris is turning into a versatile player as we don't seem to have enough of them. Played centre midfield as well as on the wings as well as at fullback. Difficult to tell what position he should play in but with Nick Bray seemingly wearing the wrong boots that don't match with the rest of his strip (shocking!) and with Phil Bray unfortunately wearing the strip at all and not on the sideline perhaps Chris could look at moving into the middle of the park somewhere. A solid player who always seem to play well and give 100% no matter where he plays and no matter how old he gets! 6/10

Neil James - Still going strong and showing us how pathetic we all are at half his age (well I am - kinda). Neil is slightly different to everyone else in the fact he appears not to be versatile. So Phil and Nick Bray can relax for once as their positions are safe for a second or two. Neil always plays right back as far as I know and always gets as stuck in as anyone else. Puts in some great challenges and is a lot more worthy of a game than he thinks he is. Should get more involved. Didn't want to play against Stockport because the last time we played them in the league their left back offered to have him out. A very good team man who is happy to come along and support us - even in the pouring rain - mad bugger. 6/10

Lee Stone - What can we say about Lee and his worldnet performance other than does he really have a right foot? Our Top scorer of the tournament and of any tournament for that matter. Has fantastic skills and is quick and would be a world beater if he could use that other leg that is often used for standing on only. Most of his goals were screamers and all were at important times. To be honest he let the team down when his chip of the Watford keeper went wide in the first half of that game - frankly we expect better. Also needs to work on his falling over so we can get more free-kicks. Not that Paul McCudden could do anything with them anyway. I mean all those other goals he scored from free kicks were clearly flukes. Lee has shown himself to be an excellent finisher of goals and when given the opportunity he takes them more often than not. It is a pity that Nick Bray is just behind him overhitting the passes then. This was Lee's first worldnet and hopefully he'll go again! 6/10

Luke - Another debutant who will hopefully return. Dare I say a versatile player because he can play on the wing too. In fact seemed to score goals better when playing on the wing! A very quick player which is fortunate as that means someone else can do the running for a change. Proved all weekend he can do all the hard work and then blow it completely at the end. Needs to work on his goalscoring skills (especially one-on-ones) and learn from Lee Stone. He did score a great one-on-one against Watford but that's only because of the great ball played through to him. Nick and Phil Bray can both breath a sigh of relief as Luke is so fast he can still get to their terrible passes. Luke let the whole team down as he hit the post early on against Stockport when he should have scored - no pressure or anything. Well strikers always get the credit when they score goals so it's about time they get a kicking when they don't! Proved a very good IF and one who will make a lot of difference for future IF games. 6/10

Bernie M - Don't know if this was mentioned but he was playing for the very first time ever on the left (excluding the five years played at left fullback at college). Thus was expected to take a little while to get used to it and being such a fantastic player that took about 30 seconds. Would have scored the goal of the tournament if the WBA keeper hadn't pulled off a flukey save. Good player for both Nick and Phil Bray because when they never meant the ball to go to the left wing he was still there to collect it. Also set up the key goal against Watford for which I don't think has been mentioned yet. Is a versatile player who can play anywhere apparently and would prefer to be somewhere he can take advantage of his height. Probably at fault for the first Stockport goal but you'd never get him admitting that. Another good tournament from the second most experienced worldnetter (excluding Neil James) and that makes the rest of you look pathetic because he's a stupid foreigner. 6/10

Antonis - Him again. Well despite a career threatening illness Antonis got off his deathbed and got a train and then taxi to the ground to play for the IF's. Shows great commitment or great stupidity, can't work out which. Is another injured Greek so had to play in goal. Shame really. When he gets fit he could replace Nick Bray because Nick has to do his hair. Funny how as soon as he went in goal we started conceding goals left right and centre. But we'll give him some credit and blame Phil Bray, don't know why but it just seems the sensible thing to do. Made a few great saves, especially against Stockport and made a difference as he actually volunteered to go in goal! Good to have him back at Worldnet after an absence and hopefully we'll see him again. Preferably sober because the excuse that Greece won the European Championship is frankly pathetic. 6/10

Nick Bray - hahaha. Well if Nick is still reading this by now then congrats. The Lillian Nalis of the team (can I point out Nick that Lilian is scoring some goals at the moment - hint hint). Spends hours before a game looking in the mirror - the fact he's putting his contacts in is irrelevant. A brilliant target and I'd like to thank him for taking this the right way (I hope). Contrary to what I've said so far he is a key player in the centre of midfield and excluding the odd pass that goes astray makes a big difference. A good player to have in the team as he is always showing for the ball and you know he is there, of course you never pass the ball but at least you know he's there. Part of the engine room I hope that he can understand Paul better than I can. Back for another year of worldnet and despite this report hopefully will return again! 10/10

Phil Bray - hahaha. A very important player in a very important role. Does an excellent job as captain and a very hard task it is to try and make sure everyone gets a fair amount of play. Sometimes that doesn't happen and I know Phil takes that personally when it doesn't. Never easy trying to play and think about subs etc as well. Does that very well and is a very good captain so I'm glad he is doing it - he still can't pass the ball to save himself though. Is an excellent target as he can take it and he needs to be on the field because if his skills as a linesman are anything like his brothers then he is better on the field!!! He clearly enjoys worldnet and it is good to have him there. Worldnet on his birthday this year after his anniversary last year - what next year??? Phil isn't called Steve Walsh for nothing because he is a solid defender and he can hoof the ball pretty well, usually in the complete opposite direction to what he was aiming. He's also very adept at yelling "AWAY!" Needs to have a good look at himself because he actually listens to Chris Foster - that is very foolish. Another good worldnet and looking forward to next year. 10/10

Last but not least Bob Wood - bonkers. The end. Came and watched every game and supported the team despite the bad weather and believe it or not even stayed THREE nights in Fawlty Towers. Unbelievable! One word of advice to everyone though - never roll into him when you're taken out in the field of play - it hurts like hell.

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