Bridgnorth Hockey Club

The seniors had five walkers in the 41st annual Bridgnorth Journal Sponsored Walk: team Conway providing four of them, being next season's second team captain Robin Conway along with his wife, Ruth, son, Bob and father, Brian; they were joined by new club chairman Martin Hall.

Brian, who is 78, finished in the top one hundred out of one thousand two hundred and thirty-five walkers. He managed to equal his time from last year 4 hours 40 minutes and was the equal eldest finisher.

In fact, Martin, Robin and Brian came in 94th, 95th and 96th respectively with all five seniors placed in the top 120 in the 22 mile walk, just getting in before the rain started.

Six Juniors participated - Alex Patton and Charlie Seymour (pictured above) as well as Will Reynolds, James Speke, Nola Hamilton, Lucy Cottam, Heidi Devey and Hannah Goss

Charlie Seymour completes the walk at Ditton

Chester Hockey Festival - The Unofficial Tour Report

Compiled by the VC
(The events recorded in this report may or may not have happened and the characters mentioned are fictional as none of them have souls)

Friday 25th May 2007

Spirits were high as the valiant sprout pickers were reunited after 12 months of cultivating everybody’s favourite Christmas vegetable. It was a subtle combination of old heads and sprout virgins that assailed Chester Hockey Club mid-afternoon on Friday with hopes of glory, honour and lots of purple nasty. Camp deployment was well directed by returning captain ‘Devious David Haddock’ and within 40 min of arriving most people were sat down enjoying a nice quiet drin… er……I mean beverage. There had been some confusion in communicating curfew times to tour virgin Glyn ‘half pint’ Mckenna, who for some unknown reason decided at around 8:00pm that he required sleep. Luckily this mild bout of ‘food poisoning’ lasted only a couple of hours and he was able to rejoin the squad later in the evening. The captain took responsibility for his minions by providing a safety kit for all and periodically checked that it was still in tact. This was to prevent any unwelcome microorganisms appearing in camp.
With the team assembled and the religious advisor in fine voice, it was time to hit the disco. There were screams of fear and mad panic from the civilians as the army of green-shirted, goat-raping, vegetable growing, warrior poets approached the outer perimeter of the clubhouse. Fathers frantically tried to hide their wives and daughters but soon realised with Bruno and Billy around, they were not safe either!
The frivolity and carnage continued late into the night with some fine dance floor displays from Alex ‘leg-end’ Cottam and Danny ‘J-Lo’ Wright. At about 2, the team returned to camp and began preparation for the first day of the tourney. Things had begun well…..mwa ha ha ha ha.

Saturday 26th May 2007

The quality of merchandise supplied by Mustone inc. came under fire straight away in the morning as Danny Wrights shirt had clearly faded from a kingly green to a dingy purple. Not only that, it had inexplicably begun to smell like a combination of blackcurrant, apples and stomach acid!?! How strange!
After deciding that invading Chester alone was no easy task, the captain forged a temporary alliance with a nearby Mexican army of Bandits from the ‘far south’. The VC and Dave ‘would you like a signed photo’ Devey were sent as mercenaries to the Bandits first game and performed well in battle.
The sprouts faired less well in their first game, with hangovers clearly dictating the pace of their play. A comfortable thrashing was received and the bruised and battered squad returned to camp with some thinking to do. Just when spirits were lowest, a hazy figure appeared on the horizon. With straw hat on and cigar in mouth, the figure strolled into camp like Aragorn returning to help defend Helm’s Deep from the deadly Uruk-Hai. With Spank and Boom-Boom now amongst the ranks, the sprouts faired much better in the second game against their allies The Bandits. A shrewd move by the VC to infiltrate the bandit’s ranks and bring them down from within was clearly the reason for gaining the first victory of the tournament. It was nothing to do (as some would have you believe) that the VC is fat, slow and rubbish.
We returned to camp to find our ranks had swelled further with messers Evans and Thomas arriving from the picking fields of Broseley. More attempts were made to recruit warriors from other camps by Bab, Peachy and Ratty by using smoke signals that they periodically released from their tent. Not put off by their lack of success, these three ‘chilled-out’ communications experts responded by increasing the number of signals they sent and by 10 O’clock that evening Westie and Liam arrived to complete the squad. Despite the set back of being told that no fires were allowed on site, the sprouts dolled up and prepared for the evenings drinking session. (Note to self – apparently one banana does not constitute a BBQ).
That night’s disco saw a valiant display of bravery from the VC as he offered himself up as a sacrifice to a group of scantily clad nuns so that his team mates could be spared. He still bares the scars of his ordeal to this day. An argument developed between Evo and Bruno over who was the prettiest. It was settled the only way Sprout Pickers know how……..A GAY OFF! Despite Bruno’s best efforts and his natural homoerotic features, how can you compete with a man with more mince than 32 Shepard’s Pies. With echoes of Chicago and Yogi Bear drifting off into the night, the team retired and waited for dawn to renew their assault on Chester Hockey Club.

Sunday 27th May 2007

With the camp’s temporary female prisoners released back to their own teams, the morning began with Dev’s breakfast Schnapps. With weary legs and aching heads the sprouts bravely trudged over the footbridge to their third game. As if possessed by the spirit of Jim Turnock, the team gelled and produced a performance worthy of a song or two. Despite Poppa Sprout confining three of the team to small circles in the middle of the pitch, the Sprouts easily overcame an aging team from Toronto, The Moose Heads. Due to poor weather, a tent crawl was arranged and the inevitable merriment began. The hours passed with laughter, songs and taking the p**s out of Billy. Plenty of entertainment was provided by Kevin Bloody Wilson and a repertoire of new songs were committed to memory. After a hearty lunch and a lot more larger, the Sprouts faced the might of the Sad Boys. Even with three extra players on the pitch and the fact that four of ours had crashed with mysterious illnesses, the Sad Boys could only manage a draw.
After an over-friendly team shower, the sprouts headed to town for some Asian cuisine. For the record, the service and portion size at Al Quereshi is excellent (ask Wrighty and KT)! The squad by this stage had been joined by Rhea Evans whose negotiation skills proved invaluable even if her drinking prowess left a little to be desired. On return to camp, Spank introduced us to an inspiring game simply called ‘Dwink Bwandy’. It is fair to say sides were split.
Disguised as chefs, the Sprouts had one more try at invading the clubhouse. With the virgins on a mission and the senior members of the squad in fine form, it was not long until several young females had been purchased for tent cleaning duties. With games of ‘how low can a gay hockey player limbo’ and ‘pass de Reading girl to da left hand side’ in full swing, the other sides were shown why not everyone is tough enough to be a Sprout. With Lez and Westie now an official couple, the team headed back to the tents clearly champions of everyone’s hearts. Night night everybody.

Monday 28th May 2007

There was a morbid sense of despair as the party awoke to find Crouchie and the VC had been ‘taken’ in the night. Sadly there has been no contact with these two since. The Sprouts faced the Pink Gorillas in the final game of the tournament. It was an opportunity to settle old scores from the previous night. I am pleased to report KT and Evo are now good friends again and have purchased a small love nest just outside Brighton. The game was lost but the moral victory was certainly ours.
With heavy hearts and legs it was time to say fair well. We had drunk well, eaten well and left our mark. The hockey had not produced the results desired by the Bridgnorth following but I only have one thing to say about that. D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

The 2007 Sprout Squad!
Returners:

‘Devious’ David Haddock (Tour Captain)
Nick ‘Scratch’ Gray (Vice Captain)
Ian ‘No Showers’ Lock (Religious Advisor)
Bruno ‘Matalan Kit’ Mustone
Lez ‘Poppa Sprout’ Evans
Sir Simon ‘Where’s last year’s host?’ Tindall
David ‘Would you like a signed photo?’ Devey
Paul ‘Schnapps’ Devey
Adam ‘Flick Taker’ Wright
Danny ‘J-Lo’ Wright
Danny ‘Smoke Signals’ Roberts
Simon ‘Dwink Bwandy’ Marston
Claire ‘Boom Boom’ Boom-Boom
Pete ‘Get off my sister’ Evans
Kevin ‘I’m not paying for that s**t’ Thomas
Rhea ‘Drink before you think’ Evans

Virgins:

Billy ‘Don’t be hero’ Roberts
Glyn ‘7:30’ Mckenna
Alix ‘Leg-end’ Cottam
Michael ‘Are you sure that’s the same one?’ Peachey
Liam ‘It’s rain not urine’ Brown
Mark ‘Tongues only’ Weston
Rachael ‘No Show’ Jones

On Tour in Chester, with Blair Witch:

hmmmm sexy.

who be these cheeky little ladies?

Dave's funny walk hits the spot for the easily amused Lisa!

Jim finally falls asleep standing up after his mammoth 43 hour drinking binge

Pat breaks into a sprint in an effort to distract the opposition