HUNSPOTTING

(OR HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE IN THE COMPANY OF A HUN)

1. Just in case you're an incredibly dense non-football fan who's lost in cyberspace and really shouldn't be here, the easiest way to spot a hun is that he'll be the one wearing a blue jersey/filthy rag.

2. A Hun will always be the one saying - I don't know what you're on about, Bobby Tait is a top quality referee.

3. Their trouser legs will be soaked in Fenian blood.

4. They're not the most intelligent species on earth but occasionally, you will come across a few Huns with an IQ higher than a genetic cross-breed between Homer Simpson and a large rock. How so do we tell the 'clever' Huns from the rest of the human race? Simple, ask about domestic politics and they'll talk for hours on parliaments and ministers. However, get onto the topic of the EU or european policies and a Hun will always be the one looking confused or upset.

5. The pack of rats which follow at their heels.

6. A willingness to beat up anyone with the slightest hint of an Oirish accent.

7. They'll be the ones huddled in dark corners, giggling at a photograph of Henrik Larsson being stretchered off during the Lyon game.

8. The 'I Luv Ian Paisley' badges attached to their lapels (Ok, I exaggarated a bit on that one. A true Hun would never wear a jacket with lapels)

9. The copy of 'The Daily Record' sticking out of their arse pockets.

10. If you're unsure as to whether or not you're in the company of a Hun, the easiest thing to do is hold up a picture of the Queen. A true Hun will automatically tug his forelock.

11. The obviously pathetic, ludicrous, wretched, pitiful 'We're better than youse' demeanor.

12. The excessive body hair, the dreadful haircuts (you know, the ones that look like your hair was attacked by a drunk, hatchet-wielding psychopath) and the outdated sense of style.