FOYLE FRIEND SCHOOL SURVEY

BEING GAY AT SCHOOL

Worries About Being Gay

Many young people know they are gay at school and yet they do not tell anyone about it nor act upon their feelings.

When asked what were their worries about being gay at school, the following comments were made:-

Confused - not understanding why they are gay - not knowing what it means to be gay        4 women 5 men

L1 -  " I felt confused about my feelings; that I wasn't normal and wouldn't fit in.  I didn't think that anyone would understand the way I felt."

L3 -   "I worried why I felt this way and worried that other people might realise it."

L9 –  "It was more about I had no one to talk to about it and I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings and I thought it was going to be like this for the rest of my life and it did feel wrong or I was doing something bad by feeling these things."

L10 - "Although I never really believed it was wrong as it always seemed natural  I worried about how it would affect my life; how I could ever be a lesbian with a girlfriend with a life in Derry/Londonderry and how or who the hell could I experiment with?  I also worried about what I would do if a woman made a pass at me; what would I do?  I didn't have a clue.  There was no mention of homosexuality at school; only by male teachers when harassing boys who preferred art to football."

G20 – "I was afraid of how I would be excepted by my family and society.  What sort of life I would have?  Were these feelings right?"

G21 – "Lack of support, information.  Not knowing anyone in the same position."

G22 –" It worried me because I couldn’t understand how it could be possible to be attracted to the same sex and, of course, there were the pressures of the changing room and peer pressure."

G23 – "My worries were I was abnormal and being ridiculed etc."

G24 – "I worried that I was gay because I had been influenced by my effeminate friends."

Afraid of criticism and scorn - 2 women 6 men

L2  -  "It is an all girl Catholic Grammar School run by nuns, some of whom didn't exactly emerge from a progressive non-judgemental era!!"

G8 -  " My first school was in a rough area and many pupils had very bigoted views.  I was scared that I might be found out.  However when I changed schools to do A levels I found a much more relaxed atmosphere and felt more at ease with my feelings."

G19 – "I was worried because they would notice that there was something different about me and give me hassle."

Fear of loosing friends - 1 woman 1 man

L7 -   "It wasn't talked about so I thought I was alone, very isolated and had no support. I was worried someone would notice I liked a particular girl.  I thought I’d loose my friends and that people would think I was disgusting and weird."

G27 - "[I worried] that they would find out and I would loose them for a friend or I would be attacked."

Fear of being attacked  - 7 men

G1 -  "Because if someone found it would either go one of two ways:- 1) I would be given a kicking. or 2) I would probably meet someone in the same situation."

G2 -  "I didn't want to be gay.  I didn't want the bullying/abuse."

G13 - "I worried that people would find out and that they would beat me up.  I also worried that they would hound me for ever."

G17 - "I worried that if I told someone at school ie. males, they would all disown me.  Being picked on or bullied was always a big fear as the word gay was often used in a bad way and as a kind of slag name called to other people although at school I was not suspected of being gay for the simple reason I was quite straight acting although I found it quite hard to be myself."

G28 -"Worried by being turned on during P.E. or being caught staring, [which] would have led to an unbearable life of taunts and confirmed suspicions."

Being Gay at School and not being Worried About it.

3 women and 10 men did not worry about being gay at school.  Some of the reasons follow:-

Reasons they did not worry

L4 -  "I thought ‘If I am lesbian or  bisexual, I am and there’s nothing I can do except enjoy it!’"

L5 -  "It did not worry me because I had already told someone who understood the whole issue at large.  I had enough well received understanding and felt it unnecessary to let anyone at school interfere with that."

L11 -"Nobody else knew."

G3 -  "It did not worry me because I always felt things would be O.K."

G7 -  "Because firstly I was brought up as a liberal person and secondly I had positive gay role models."

G9 -  "I never realised that life would be difficult because of being gay.  I assumed, in my innocence, that I was the same as everyone else until I discovered at secondary school all was not as I had imagined."

G11 - "Because they presumed it and they were comfortable with it."

G12 -  "It didn't worry me because I knew there was nothing wrong with being gay.  It was just that I was very shy and secretive about my sexuality although lots of people thought I was gay."

G14 - "I got on really well with everyone.  My camp behaviour got me on a good level with people."

G25 – "I felt that I was normal as I could be and so much media connection to gay affairs made me feel more solid and not to feel ashamed."

G26 – "I was happy to like other  boys and sensed that the one boy I fancied was gay as I could feel that he was interested in me by way of glances and once standing up for  me when I was picked on."

Coming Out at School

Coming Out means not going out of your way to hide the fact that you are gay.  The people were asked at what age they came out at school or work.  Figure 9 shows the responses.