FOYLE FRIEND SCHOOL SURVEY

SURVIVAL STRATEGIES

The author identified several strategies described by the young lesbian, gay and bisexual people for surviving the school environment:-

Denial or self deception. 

The young person does not discover or admit his/her sexuality to himself/herself and passes through school following a heterosexual lifestyle.  It is possible that they truly are not gay at school and change to being gay later but this is unlikely. 

2 women & 2 men, L3, L10, G4 & G28 appear to belong to this group.

L3  -  "I was more confused and in more denial.  I did not want to be gay, initially."

L10 - "Because I felt so lonely for myself and the gay guy in my class.  It also made me try to deny myself to myself and that takes a long time to come to terms with; even when you're out!"

G4  -  "I did not have gay feelings at grammar school "

G28 - "Made me feel I couldn't be and wasn't gay because I would not be able to stand the taunts nor would my family who would be ashamed of how people thought about gay people - thus ashamed of me."

Passing for Straight. 

The young person pretends to be heterosexual in the hope that no one will discover that they are gay.  There is often an element of self deception here too.  Gay people doing this will often excuse themselves to themselves and others by describing themselves as bisexual. 

8 women & 19 men, L1, L2, L5, L6, L8, L9, L10, L11, G1, G4, G5, G6, G8, G10, G12, G13, G14, G15, G16, G17, G18, G19, G21, G22, G25, G27, G31, appear to belong to this group.

L1 -  "I would find myself lying to people in my class if they asked me what I had done at the weekend.  That's why I told my close friends the truth because I didn't feel right lying to them.  If people that I went to school with and hung around with felt so negative towards homosexuality, what chance would I have if they ever found out?  I thought it best to keep my mouth closed and my head down and get on with things."

L11 - "Nobody else knew.  Towards some friends I told them I was going to German societies, music societies etc."

G5 -  "You couldn't come out because the pupils were homophobic and sex education was bad."

G6 - " They didn't know - there were only accusations.  There was no admission on my part.  They were jealous of me academically.  This was where the verbal bullying was mostly directed."

G12 - "Because I felt that I couldn't be me.  I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't and I craved to show people what I was really like."

G13 - "I was afraid they would discover I was gay."

G14 - "It made me question everything I said to see if I let anything slip."

G15 - "(I kept my visits) secret.  I expected myself to come out but knew it would be better to keep it quiet at school (for a quiet life)"

Withdraw from the social life of the school. 

This is a common reaction.  Sometimes it manifests itself in the pupil burying himself/herself in their schoolwork but more commonly it results in the young person having few, if any friends at school.  In the case of G12 he was only friends with girls at school.

1 woman & 9 men, L2, G2, G6, G7, G9, G12, G18, G23, G24 & G29 appear to belong to this group.

L2 -  Sometimes I would find myself feeling completely isolated.  The jokes, etc., merely compounded that feeling.

G9 -  "I was probably always a loner anyway, afraid to let anyone ‘in’, so I was a bit of an odditity among my contemporaries anyway.  Fuelled with the information that I may be ‘one of them’ I was completely ostracised and picked on regularly.  I became quite introverted, lonely and lost all self-esteem.  I was afraid of what school had become, and lost all interest in studying.  I had to use my energy by avoiding things; staying sane, basically."

G24 – "I rejected everyone because I feared they would annoy me and call me names so I did not try to make friends."

G29 - "[I] tended to be isolated but hurtful comments made me stronger."

Become aggressive and hostile.

 Some gay people adopt an 'attack before I am attacked' strategy.  Sometimes they are physically aggressive but more commonly they attack with invective.  People steer clear of them for fear of incurring their wrath.

2 men G1 & G20,  appear to belong to this group.

G1 -   "In 1st, 2nd and 3rd year I was bullied by two brothers until I stood up for myself and the school didn't do anything.  The only way that I got rid of them was to hit one of them in the testicles with a fire extinguisher and hit the other in the face."

G20 – "In my first year at Grammar School I was called a poof by class mates.  But during the summer I found a mouth and in second year I had a circle of protective friends and if anyone said anything they got a mouthful back and thought twice about saying anything again but you always got one or two cunts who had to try and impress their peers but I now know they were, and still are, pathetic."

Be totally open and live with the consequences. 

A risky strategy but one that is becoming increasingly common.  They are up front with their sexuality and loyal friends support them.

1 woman & 5 men L5, G1, G3, G8, G11, G25, did this.

L5 -   "It did not worry me because I had already told someone who understood the whole issue at large.  I had enough well received understanding and felt it unnecessary to let anyone at school interfere with that."

G8 -  "Because I usually went 'out' in Dublin or London I had no inhibitions about being found out because no-one there would know me.  I did have to make excuses to go to Dublin frequently but I'd tell my friends where I was going and why."

Make a joke out of themselves and their sexuality. 

This is different from the previous strategy as they collude with homophobic prejudices and encourage people to laugh at them.  This can seriously erode self-esteem.  Respondent G14, appears to belong to this group.

G14 - "I got on really well with everyone.  My camp behaviour got me on a good level with people.  My close friends loved it.  They thought it was cool to have a gay friend but other people didn't like it but I had enough people behind me."

                      Women                                                                           Men

The majority of young gay people survive at school by pretending to be straight and/or withdrawing from the social life of the school

NOT COPING WITH BEING GAY AT SCHOOL

Some people don’t cope with being gay at school and they employ avoidance strategies.  These were generally not reported in the survey.  This might be expected as, by definition, the young people who completed the survey have come through the experience of being gay reasonably successfully.

In many cases the effect of not coping severely damages the ability of the young person to function effectively in society and causes their family distress.  The author has come across several examples of each category in his twenty-five years in working with gay and bisexual people.  However, the very nature of the young persons' struggle with the unacceptability of their sexual feelings, makes it impossible for the author to reveal any details of individual cases.

Truancy or Giving up School

Refusing to attend school is a way of getting away from a homophobic environment.  The only respondent to have reported this is G3 but the author is aware of several other examples in the area.  Many gay people deeply resent the fact that they could never achieve their full potential at school due to them having to leave to escape the homophobic environment.

Recreational drug use

This tends to be a more common strategy in older people but the habit may well start at school age.  This survey did not ask about this but The Rainbow Project Northern Ireland, a gay men's health project has researched the prevalence of substance use amongst the local gay community and their survey has shown its prevalence. 

Foyle Friend supports 'Live and Let Live', a very active group for lesbian, gay and bisexual people who are fighting substance misuse.

Nervous breakdowns and mental illness

The stress of being gay and not being able to come to terms with it puts a severe stress on many young gay people.  The author knows of several young gay people who have succumbed to severe mental illness.

Respondent G5 reports a nervous breakdown and G17 alludes to this.

Suicide

This is an effective way of avoiding the problems associated with your sexuality.  Unfortunately respondents were not specifically asked about suicide but in England research showed that 40% of gay teenagers had attempted suicide and it is believed that a significant proportion of successfully completed suicides are due to young people worrying about their sexuality.

Successful suicides are obviously not reported in this survey but G7 said he had tried and the author personally knew at least three young men who died at their own hand and where there were strong indications that the young man who died was troubled about his sexuality.

G7 -  "It made me very unhappy with myself and I attempted suicide."

Some employ one of these strategies for all their school life, others use several concurrently or switch from one strategy to the other.

Some young gay people do not cope with the pressures of being gay at school which appears to result in a high level of suicide, mental illness and substance misuse amongst young gay people.

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