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Nordberg's Wife: Who would do such a thing? Ed: It's hard to tell Frank: Could be a roving gang of thugs, a blackmailer, an angry husband...a gay lover.
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Jane: You are so insensitive! Frank: Is this that toilet seat thing again? Jane: It's babies, Frank. I want a baby. But whenever we make love you say you have a headache. Frank: I'm not a piece of meat, Jane. I'm trying. I've got ointments, lotions, creams, books, things that vibrate. |
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Oh how I loved her. But she had her music...I think she had her music. She hung out with the Chicago Male Chorus Symphony. I don't recall her playing an instrument, or being able to hold a tune, yet she was on the road 300 days a year. In fact one year I bought her a harp for Christmas....she asked me what it was
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My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Leuitenant of Police Squad. A special detail of the police department. There had been a recent wave of gorgeous fashion models found naked and unconscious at Laundromats on the west side. Unfortunately, I had been assigned to investigate hold ups at neighbourhood credit unions. I was across town doing my laundry when I heard the call on the double killing. |
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Tanya: I could have two lovers! Frank: Kinky. but I like my sex the way I play basketball - one on one, with as little dribbling as possible. |
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I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was just as I'd remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. A body which could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts which seemed to say 'Hey..look at me!'. She was the kind of woman which would make you drop to your knees and thank God you were a man. Yeah...she reminded me of my mother alright, no doubt about it |
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When I returned home I received a call from Mimi De Jour. She said she wanted to meet me at the club right away. Since I had no idea where the Club Rightaway was I suggested the Club Flamengo. She agreed.
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By the way..I faked every orgasm |
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Distraught Wife: Do you know what it's like to be married to a wonderful man for fourteen years? Frank: No, I can't say I do...I did live with a guy once though, but that was just for a couple of years. Usual slurs, rumours, innuendo.. people didn't understand. Ran him out of town like a common pigme. Sure he was a physical education Major, but he had a mind - he could think, wasn't all muscle, all body, all sinuey limbs. He got married, you know, had three kids...never cared for her. I told him she was wrong. And that youger boy, just like his father - football hero. Lived with him for a year....wasn't the same, can't go back. |
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Security: Hold on! Frank: Frank Drebin, Police Squad Security (mocking): Yeah, and I'm Robert de Niro Frank: Mr de Niro, we must get inside |
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I'm single. I love being single. I haven't had this much sex since I was a boy scout leader.
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Frank: Is there a
ransom note?
Ed: Yes, the butler found it. It was tied to a window and thrown into the rock garden. I sent the note to the lab. They're demanding a million dollars. Frank: Why do the boys at the lab want a million dollars. Ed: The kidnappers made the demands, Frank. |
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Quentin Hapsberg: I don't recall seeing your name on any of the guest lists Frank: That's nothing to be ashamed about. I sometimes go by my maiden name.
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